We are not alone

Have you ever wondered how, been overwhelmed by the future unknowns of your ability to trust? 

Knowing God can, but unsure of the answers that will come?
Not sure of what he will ask, what you have to sacrifice to take that step…
well, that's where I've been recently.

As many of you have known, we are a military family. And as many military families do, we have times of separations, or deployments. 

When I first moved overseas over 10 years ago, I had no intentions on becoming a military wife. I mean, yes the men in uniform are handsome, but I never thought of myself as "military wife" material. 

I was raised in a proud 1st generation American family, hard working middle class parents, born and raised in the inner city, never moved until I graduated from high school. 

I am the youngest in my family. I never liked being alone.  I always wanted to have people around and like any good young sibling- bugged my older siblings to play with me… constantly.

I absolutely hated being alone. 

You see, I was afraid, literally afraid to be alone. I never went anywhere without leaving a door open. They were open just in case something happened to me. I wanted to have access to my family, to help if needed. It was a pretty ridiculous fear.  My older siblings always took it upon themselves to let me know the humor would not be missed. I'm sure the blackmail pictures still circulate my parents' home somewhere. Regardless, even though I knew the Polaroid was lurking around the corner, it took me until middle school before I wanted to close the door to any room. Still my fear of being alone was right there.

Slowly in college, God worked on this fear I had about loneliness. He revealed to me that He could be and would be my strength, my shield, and I didn't have to be afraid.

It transformed my life. I literally remember the day I looked at life differently. And at the ripe old age of 19, I thought that was all I needed to learn about that fear. 

Fast forward 20 years and here we are again.

When I married my military husband I really had no clue what life would be like. Coming from a non military family I had no expectations of how women did the constant moving, the constant packing and unpacking, and least of all- the constant times of being alone. 

This past weekend we said goodbye to my husband for a very long 10 month deployment. The last time he deployed I was pregnant with my second child and my oldest was just 1 1/2 years old. 

Much different now with a 7 yr old, 5 yr old, and an 9 month old.

The kids now know he is gone.  They miss him badly. The house is different at dinner time, the quiet after they are in their beds is deafening. My cell stays near me at all times- just in the case he can get a line through and call me. I check my email about 10 times a day to see if he has written.
I wait. 

I sit.
I realize I am being confronted with an old friend-
fear. 

The fear of being alone.

Except this time I am different. I have known the Lord longer now, and I see it differently.

Until recently, I haven't had to act out my trust with God in a long time, I haven't had to pray the silent prayers and wonder if He's heard. 

It isn't long before old thoughts creep in, and you wonder how is He going to do this?

Looking at God, speaking to Him with a new dependance and raw need for Him to be more in my heart, to transform me to be more like Him. When I prayed that prayer a few months ago I never imagined He would use the deployment. 

I really didn't imagine much at all. 

However, in His great love for us, I am astounded by His ways of showing me I am not alone.

 We are  not alone in my journey.
I have heard His calling as a woman from church calls to tell me she's getting mentors for my kids. I've heard His whisper when a neighbor brings a meal by for us. I've seen His great love when a friend says, she stopped by to chat. I've felt His presence as a fellow military wife at church holds me in an embrace. I've seen His ways as many friends and family both near and far write us messages telling us they will pray, they will intercede for us. Texts from loved ones telling us we are in their thoughts. People sharing on FB (we don't even know and will never meet) are praying for us. Lifting me and my sweet three kids up to Him who is faithful. 

I sit here thankful that although I am alone, I am not.

 I sit here grateful that in His great faithfulness He has us in His hands. Just as the picture (of my husband and son) demonstrates above,
God is holding us.
Not loosely, not barely, but tightly. 

He is here, right where we need Him.

As the school year starts and as we busy ourselves with the preparations of the fall, I pray you realize no matter the prayer, no matter the concern, 

you are not alone.

He is holding you-
 not loosely,
not barely,
but tightly.

Much love to you all,

Crecia