What is God asking you to trust Him with?

So I just off the phone with four loved ones tonight, each in their own journey of trust. 

One is waiting in the hospital to have a baby- on bed rest, praying things will go well and she will be healthy after the birth of her child. Praying her baby will wait and God will put His mighty hand of protection over her unborn child.

The other is waiting on God. Allowing Him to turn her life upside down, take her to Africa and asking her to put all her trust in Him. Not her own ability to provide, but His. She is boarding a plane this Friday with so many questions unanswered, so many things left unopened and the road so foggy.

Then I think of my friend who just got a diagnoses for her daughter, one that she hoped wouldn't be. She is struggling with what it means, what they need to do. How will this effect their schooling, their lives, the future of their daughter? Will she love school if she has this "tag?" Will she be able to learn as she had envisioned? What will the future hold?

Then there is my family member who waits on the results back from her biopsy. She waits thinking and knowing the results of this test can make a world of difference for her teenage daughters, her husband, and family. She answers not to the fear, but to the faith that God has her here. Her voice is clear, her road is set and she is bravely walking on it.

Then I think of us, and how my husband makes calls to me each night from a ship far away, how my life is looking so different. My years of the knowns are coming to an end. He will no longer be here for dinner each night, he will soon start the journey of a new command that will take him away. We will learn a new normal, a new way without him. My children are asking the questions I cannot answer, they are beginning to wonder the worries I think about when no one hears me speak. I spend countless hours asking God, wondering about the next couple of years? The details, the answers that I so desperately seek.

We are all on such different journeys, all asking such similar questions. 

"What now, God? What now?"

Whether in a peaceful place or a home of unrest, I believe the question is always in our hearts. We are, as taught, to always ask this question. We are all wanting to know our eternal influence, our purposeful impact. This question comes to our hearts regardless of our wealth, health, happiness, relationships, and jobs. It comes as spring birds wake each spring. It comes to us all when we are quiet enough to listen.

I realize God is not asking us to just trust Him, but to trust Him with what we value the most right now. 

I once had an amazing pastor named Pastor Keven. He would stand up each Sunday and challenge us not to trust God with our common keys, but with our hidden ones. He would challenge us to trust God with the treasures we trusted the most. The things we hid in the recesses of our hearts. The rooms no one had access to, the thoughts no one ever heard. He asked us regularly, "Would you give those to God?"

As a teen I listened, I wondered, I thought, and I surrendered. It was hard then, but I did. Now as an adult, my instinct is to want to do, want to solve, want to make a way for myself, for my kids. 

When did I get so independent from God? When did I think it was "I" that made the difference in my day? 

So tonight, even though I do not know the answers- even though I do not have the details of how and where- I do know the One that does.

What if in our unanswered thoughts- we answer with the trust that God once called us to? 

What if in our unknowns we acknowledged the One who knows? 

What if in our inadequacies as mothers and teachers, 

we answered with the Father who is more than Faithful.

Oh, how I know this is the one place I pray to be, but fight when I am here. Yes, trusting in God brings me closer to Him, but why, do I fight it when I come near?

Is it because I have learned to trust Him with only the little things? Maybe so. Maybe I have taken back my hidden treasures and told Him, "I can't trust you with those. "

So tonight- I'm thankful to see my errors- I'm thankful from the many examples of friends and family today that have taught me that trusting in Him is where I need to be. 

For this is the authentic me.